Is It Spring Yet?

The only time I can tell that the winter has affected me is the revival I experience with the returning of the sun. This February we’ve had exceptionally sunny mornings and early afternoons lately, so my Vitamin D dosage is getting filled up every day, which brings my mood up as well with the boost of serotonin.

I try to get at least half an hour of direct sunlight a day, if not more. I don’t want to damage my fair skin by being in it too long, but I do like getting some color into my face when I can. I’ve given up hope of tanning long ago because my skin just won’t do it, and I don’t really need skin cancer. I just need the amount of sunshine to make me feel happy and healthy. Just being outdoors in general and breathing in that fresh air helps me feel more human. More connected and grounded.

I mixed up my frozen compost earlier to remind myself of my garden goals this year. It feels good to dig into the earth and smell the rich and potent aromas of nature. Not that compost itself smells good, but the raw soil it creates is very aromatic. I started my plants too late in the season last year because I was moving during the prime sowing season, but this year I will be ready. I have my packets of seeds and my pots. I’ll probably buy at least one bag of quality, nutrient-rich soil just for a growing boost to my plants if they really need it. But I will probably have all the soil and nutrients I need with the mountain behind my house and the organic compost I’ve been adding to for months.

Like my succulents in the windowsill being revived by the sun, and I can sense my vitality and will to live sprouting inside of me. I just go dormant in the winter like a neglected houseplant. Fortunately, I haven’t completely neglected myself these dark months, but I can still tell that I used to have more energy and joy. It’s all returning to me now with the coming of the light.

This winter I’ve been taking Vitamin D supplements to help offset the symptoms of sun deficiency, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will pretty much always experience a decrease of my inner light in winter months. It happens to everyone to an extent and is completely natural. It’s just more prevalent in me because of my genetics and history with depression. The sun is essential to our existence as our life force. And to go through an entire day with it behind clouds or not visible at all is a real challenge.

I just felt like displaying my gratitude to the sun today, because why not? I take so many things for granted, like not being sick or hurt to the point where it prevents me from living life normally. I have a small amount of money right now that I don’t have to use for anything essential, which hasn’t happened in many paychecks. And I have the ability to improve my life in every way, every day.

I haven’t felt this optimistic in quite a while. This feels unnatural compared to my usual dread and mistrust of everything cheerful. I blame it on the sunshine. It just makes me feel soooooo good


Hope this day finds you similarly uplifted and bathed in the healing light of the sun.

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